But of the 10 percent that I think I do know, most is what people don't care to hear. And that's okay too. You don't want to listen to me, don't listen to me. I'll still keep pushing that rock up the hill. It is what I do.
When people tell me that Bobby Zimmerman is the greatest living poet of our time, or that Noam Chomsky has my best interest at heart, I just shake my head. When they tell me that white people of European heritage are being shat upon, I mutter to myself, "oh, dear". When they sing the praises of Lenny Bruce or Adam Sandler, I cringe. When they tell me all cops are thugs with guns, I think "really?" When they say they have it all figured out and know that there really is a concerted conspiracy to kill or incarcerate us all, I gotta believe that maybe... just maybe... the logic there is a little bit faulty. But hey, who am I to question what they 'know'.
When someone writes that "we are all part of a cosmic consciousness of eternal light between universal one-ness and the destiny of being"...or some such...I start twitching like I have bugs crawling on me, and think "What the fuck are you talking about? And how can you string all those words together in a single sentence that when completed means absolutely nothing in the English language with which I am familiar?" Okay, I'm not a 'metaphysical' kinda guy, and maybe that is my problem. If I indeed have a problem. Okay, I don't think I want to be a part of any group that is waiting for someone to lead us in our fight against anything. I'll just wait here, if you don't mind.
I loved Bill Hicks' humor...and would have been happy to have him over to dinner...but his head was full of quite a bit of shit(which he readily acknowledged), and I wouldn't have followed him anywhere. But he said one thing that dropped my jaw. And that was that his humor came from a simple concept...take anything out of popular culture and hold it up to the light of reason. A more profound observation was never made, if you ask me. A new golden rule. If we all followed this recipe for humor, I think we would benefit more than just to have a good laugh. But, of course you have to have reason to begin with. That is a rare commodity in this fantasy that permeates our species, created by the very popular culture that needs such a light shone upon it. So it is a damned-if-you-do kinda thing. Infinite regress. You can't find your glasses because you need your glasses to see. That sort of conundrum. Is this a scheme? A plan by someone above this fantasy? Someone that wears contacts 24/7? Manipulating all of us looking for our glasses? Well, more of a mindset, I think. A modus operandi of those that direct the fantasy.
So you can either buy into the 'too-pretty, too clever' chimera, or you can call bullshit. Most lay down all their dead presidents. I don't have a lot of those. Nor do I have a lot of time left. I have been to the mountain top and I have seen my own mortality. Kinda.
Spooky thing. But somehow comforting to know that I won't have to put up with the Bobby Zimmermans of the world too much longer. I won't have to endure people that know the whole conspiracy and are happy to detail it for me. I won't have to hear any more about 'cosmic consciousness'. I won't have to sit in a bar and be annoyed by a blaring-glaring television attached to the wall up by the ceiling...too far away to spill a beer on...and too close for my comfort.
And I won't have to go on telling you all this.
But until such time as I 'merge with the eternal', or whatever happens when the plug is pulled, I can hope it is just rest. A really long nap. Quiet, black, snuggly warmth from which no man returns.
No alarm clocks, cats screaming, trash trucks with squeaky brakes. No sunlight hitting me right in the eye. Just eternal;whatever that means...(a LONG time, I hope) rest.