Sunday, August 1, 2010

My B.I.L.(parable)

A parable is a brief, succinct story, in prose or verse, that illustrates a moral or religious lesson. It differs from a fable in that fables use animals, plants, inanimate objects.





I will apologize in advance here...I'm sorry, but I gotta vent. I have got to get this out of my system, or I am going to blow a gasket. I have had it, and I am going to use this forum to at least get my anger down in print. You might wanna skip this post because of it's personal nature...but here goes.


My wife's family is HUGE. I'm talking over a hundred people...and we are all pretty close....well, as close as you can be with that many humans. I always just loved her extended family and that whole old-world quality of the entity. The wife knows all their names and what they are doing and who married who and what every new baby's name is. It's a lot of information. But everyone in it kind of provides a "safety-net" for each other and that's nice. When we travel almost anywhere, there is a family member somewhere nearby, that we can contact for help or just a friendly get-together for an evening. It's great. And we do the same thing...provide for the family. I never had that growing up and most of my family is gone now, so I have really enjoyed being adopted by such a great clan.

That being said, I gotta tell you about my brother-in-law Jake. Everyone in the family knows him...intimately...including us. Believe me.

Well Jake is, and always was a problem. He is my wife's younger brother and he is really the only one of her siblings(there are seven) that I just cannot stand. His personality...I dunno...just grates on me. I'm sure you have one of these black-sheep types in your tree. But this guy is a piece of work.
He has never worked a day in his life. Really. He supposedly was crippled by some crazy guy when he was younger(he now walks with this phoney-looking limp and I swear that he switches legs) He sponges off of everyone that he is even remotely related to, as well as perfect strangers. From his late teens till just recently, he has lived at one time or other( we have ALL had our turn and all kicked him out eventually), with all of us. When he does find someone else to take him in, he cries and whines that nobody likes him, and that he is handicapped and nobody will help him, so we all do our part and make sure he gets everything he thinks he needs...which includes some pretty disgusting things, I have found. The wife doesn't know about it ( I DO NOT want to get to any more arguments about him with her), but all the money everyone gives him goes toward hookers and various drugs and his shady "deals" with some bizarre people. Oh, he also has a criminal record, I found out recently. He apparently hired someone to beat hell out of some woman, and was prosecuted, but got off. He lived here with us for almost a year, drinking my beer and getting hand-outs(I don't even want to know how much)from my wife and even the kids. I'm telling you, this guy is just evil. But like everyone keeps telling me, "he is family". Yeah...ok...whatever.

Anyway, like I was telling you, he has this strange group of friends that are even worse, if that is possible, than he is. And they are always making deals and investments and some of them pay off for Jake but most of them don't. Selling, buying, sponging, whining....that's him in a nut-shell. Never working.


So about a year ago, one of these deals pays off. I'm talking BIG TIME. Jake won't let anyone in on where the money really came from..."investments"...that's all he says. He moved out of one of his Aunt's house and bought a freakin mansion. I mean it. This place is big enough to land a plane in the living room.
Now he has lived there about a year, and he's got all these fancy cars and he never invites any of the family over. We were there once. We have driven by there a few times and his friend's cars are parked outside the house, so believe me, I wouldn't be around that crowd even if we were invited over again, which we haven't been.

What REALLY pisses me off though, and why I'm screaming at you,( just to have someone to scream at)...is that SOB has the nerve to call several people in the family last week and cry and whine about how he's gonna lose everything if we don't give him some money. The BALLS of this guy! And you know what? My wife(and all her brothers and sisters and Aunts and Uncles) sent him checks! I am so pissed I can't see straight. They all say that he has finally got out on his own, and that he is so smart and rich and all that he deserves our help to keep him afloat! AFLOAT? This guy is going to bankrupt the whole family! Literally. My wife alone has given him so much cash that I am going to have to get a part-time job along with my full-time, just to get our oldest into school this fall. It's that bad for everyone else too I hear. But he is family. Whaddya gonna do...



Sometimes people amaze me...

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

hmmm thats a difficult one timster, its your business but not your business,familys hey...neil

Timster said...

Neil,
Well actually, this is trying my hand at the parabolical. All these bible-thumpers keep writing me with them, I thought it might be a form to lay down a little life-philosophy.

Anonymous said...

I sympathise with ya Timster, I have a brother who has never worked in his life and preys on the family... but, he gets nothin' from me, not a single thing, because of my resentment towards him, I don't have much to do with the rest of my siblings.
I have a wonderful wife, 4 great kids, and 7 grandchildren, they are all the family I need.
This diabolical idea that you have to help because they are family, well, sorry, it just don't wash with me.

Good luck mate

Steve B

Anonymous said...

Cripple him for realz

veritas6464 said...

Hey Timster,...You pretty much described a dirty low-life lying fraudulent trouble-causing slut, sneak-thief my gullible parents refer to as my sister! My 'sister' is a recitivist thief and compulsive liar that according to her has never had an even break (ya fuck'n kidd'n me aren't ya!?). This bitch has committed every crime I know of, has NEVER worked, has kids just to sponge the welfare cheques, her boyfriends (she's "too independant" to marry - fuck me INDEPENDANT - WHEN?!), I feel for you brother, nothing short of a fast moving truck and a well-timed hip & shoulder shove are gonna help you mate.


veritas

Leszek said...

Parts of my family are similar Timster... People who I guess I share DNA with. But, if I was down, would never ever help me out with anything other then some brief platitudes... My brother in law however, is a true friend, much more so "family" than the people I share DNA sequences with.
Luckily, my wife is on the same page as me. Family are people that care for you and you can trust. Period.
I do feel bad that this guy is causing problems between your wife and yourself. Maybe it's time to talk about your family finances and what you are willing to spend money on. I'll say a prayer for you and yours as that's all I can do.

Anonymous said...

You sure you aren't describing the banksters here Timster...... This all sounds sooo familiar!!!!!
Not meaning to make light of your problem sir, but maybe raising a grin from you in your hours of obvious rage.

Steve B

Leszek said...

Ok, well, it's still a couple of my family members to a T.

Timster said...

hahaha...well, mine too, if the truth be known.

Timster said...

Steve, BINGO! At least one got it...hahaha. Maybe I was being too cryptic?

Anonymous said...

Not too cryptic Timster, but, the good folk who come here to read your wonderful work are all sincere, and if you say you have a problem, they don't look past it.... Bless 'em all, I say. It dawned on me in work today when I was mullin' over what you had written, I too was slow on the uptake, now, I can never trust you again!!!! GRIN.

Steve B

Timster said...

Never trust anyone. Sorry about that...it was with good intentions though( I thought I gave it away with the thing about being attacked by some crazy guy and the phony limp(a la holohoax)...thanks for reading anyway!
To everyone else that offered advice, forgive my departure from the true narrative.

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